I Do...All Over Again

Twenty-one years ago Dan and I stood before family, friends and God and promised our forevers to each other. The service was beautiful. The May day was picture-perfect. Every carefully planned detail fell into place. Joy bubbled over. It was the Best. Day. Ever.

Not once during our engagement or our twenty-one years of marriage have I questioned, regretted or second-guessed my decision to marry Dan. I have always had full confidence that he was “the one.” It’s a confidence we both share. And it’s been an anchor that has kept us from crashing on the rocks during stormy seas.

I know many whose marriages aren’t safe, secure or supportive places. I thank God for the assurance that has made my marriage a safe harbor. I know it’s a gift.

Believe me in two decades of togetherness Dan and I have had our struggles. But no matter what the issue, as we’d muddle through we’d find ourselves right back where we started twenty-one years ago—of one mind and one heart. What separated us has never been greater than what joined us.

Today marriage is an endangered species. Divorce is so common we accept and even expect it as a by-product of marriage. This morning I read that the divorce rate has actually gone down. Good news, I thought. Until I read on and discovered that this is primarily because more couples are choosing to live together rather than get married.

“’Til death do us part” seems like an old-fashioned notion—so out of touch with the realities of today. But I believe in marriage more strongly today than I did two decades ago.

Something incredible happened in the Garden of Eden. God created man, and it was good. God created woman to be with man, and joined them in marriage—and it was very good. Man and woman together. It was God’s design from the beginning. Two flesh, united as one.

We are better together.

Marriage isn’t easy. It’s not always fun. It’s often ugly and messy. Too often I offer my worst—my most impatient, frustrated, critical and controlling self. But I’m a work in progress and so is Dan. Where there is love, there is forgiveness.

So, today I celebrate my marriage and my traveling companion on the adventure. Dan introduced me to a “buck-up-little-camper” attitude which isn’t just good advice on the trails, but in the trials as well. Together we’ve traveled through the peaks and valleys of life before children, parenthood, self-employment, home improvements, finances and relationships. We’ve explored, hiked, biked and backpacked some spectacular places together.

But the most wonderful journey so far is the one of faith we travel, now that we’ve both chosen Jesus to be our Guide. As God continues to enter our marriage I feel our best adventures are yet to come—in the ministry, in the mission field, in fellowship or wherever God leads.

Today I pause to reminisce and reflect, and to reaffirm before God: “Dan, I do. Until death do us part.”

On the Road Again

Thanks for your insights and heartfelt comments to my last post. It was a tough issue and I truly appreciate your honesty and passion for friendship. God spoke to me through each of you.

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Just after midnight he opened the door and drug his tired, weary body into the house and heaved his overstuffed suitcase onto the hallway floor.

"Tough trip, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, the storm delayed our takeoff for two hours and when we finally landed we sat on the tarmac forever because there wasn't a gate available."

But instead of sitting down to relax he started scurrying about unpacking and repacking. Confused at the flurry of activity I asked, "Why are you doing all that now?"

"Because I have to leave at 7:00 tomorrow morning?"

"But you just got home! I thought you weren't leaving until later." My warm feelings at his return quickly chilled.

Such is life with a husband who travels. The ups and the downs. The comings and goings. The schedule and the complete lack of it. The swirling unpredictability.

Business travel is part of Dan and my life. It's the path we journey on. I'm proud of my husband and what he does for a living. I try to be a loving, supportive wife—really I do—but sometimes it's just plain hard to be "the one" on the home front 24/7. Sometimes the tensions build and I act...well...not quite so loving and supportive.

As was the case last week. It was not my finest hour. Or the finest hour/day/week in our marriage. Let's just say things were kind of tense.

A while back (when all was relatively calm) Dan knew he'd have a free weekend during his West Coast travels and suggested I come to Seattle for a visit. I'd never seen that part of the country jumped at the opportunity. But last week as I simmered, I wondered if the trip was really such a good idea.

I waited for God to miraculously answer my prayers for a softer heart. But departure day neared and the hardness remained. Yet, despite the fog of emotion even I could see that staying home was a foolish choice. So I packed my bags, kissed my kids and headed to Seattle.

And boy am I glad I did.

Amid the backdrop of a fantastic city, wonderful food and beautiful scenery God did answer my prayer, slowly. And then on Sunday Dan and I walked to the downtown campus of Mars Hill Church and God used that place and their pastor (Marc Driscoll) to reach into both of our hearts and leave us breathless. Shaken. Convicted. "Wow!" we exclaimed as we left.

No marriage is easy. Some seasons are more challenging than others. But I have seen time and again how important it is to take time to get away. Together. Even when it's not convenient or all that desirable. And more recently God has shown me (and I think Dan, too) the truth of His words:

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

So with the lemons of business travel we've made lemonade with some great trips together. Here's a look at our latest... 

The original Starbucks!

Totally enjoying Pikes' Place Market...and our one afternoon with sun

Will you?

A walk around Bainbridge Island

Do we look as cold and wet as we were?

A brief but awe-inspiring peek at Mt. Rainier

Do you need to get away with your spouse? I encourage you to make the time and just do it! Where will you go?

Love on the Rocks

After months of planning and preparation, the day is almost upon us. To celebrate our 20th anniversary, Dan and I are headed on a very special trip. Alone. Just the two of us.

If you’ve followed this blog for any time you have an inkling I like adventurous experiences and don’t usually do things the easy way. Therefore, there’s no cruise or tropical vacation to celebrate this milestone.

Nope, in just a few days we’ll find ourselves at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon ready to embark on a rim-to-rim backpacking trip. For four days we’ll eat, sleep and breathe the Canyon. No modern comforts or conveniences. And on Wednesday, our official anniversary, we’ll emerge from the rocky paradise, tired, dirty and hopefully filled with amazing memories (and pictures). Then we’ll scurry to a secret location (which I’m surprising Dan with) for some R&R, sightseeing and best of all—a shower! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!

What’s cool about this trip is that while we were dating, Dan introduced me to backpacking. While it wasn’t exactly what I’d call fun, it became a turning point in our relationship and a turning point in my attitude toward physical challenges. This is also the trip that led to Dan uttering those now infamous words, “Buck up little camper.” When I didn’t ditch Dan on the trail right then and there it was a sure sign our relationship was destined for long-term success.

Now we’re revisiting our “love on the rocks” with our first backpacking trip in over two decades. This time I’m older, wiser and far more prepared. And I've developed quite a respectable “buck up little camper” resume.

I marvel at how wonderfully hiking and backpacking symbolize a marriage and how this trip is a perfect metaphor for a life traveled together. It's poetic really. (I actually wrote a story about this very topic that will be published in a book coming out later this year.)

I'm so happy Carrie still wants to be my
friend after I almost killed her!

One thing I’ve learned over the years is, in order to be enjoyable and not tortuous, a trip like this requires physical preparation. For the last couple months I’ve added longer walks, yoga and some bike rides to my exercise routine. But the coup de grace of our training has been practice backpacking outings to a nearby deserted ski slope, aka Belle Bump. While the vertical rise classify this as a big hill, its 250 feet come at quite a steep ascent—and just keep coming until the top. Just ask Carrie who accompanied me one day.

The dark little speck on the hill is me.
The light speck next to me isTess.

Each weekend Dan and I hit the hill to train with backpacks and hiking poles (and of course our dog, Tess). What we couldn’t achieve in elevation, we achieved in weight and reps. Definitely not exciting hiking, but so necessary. And I’m proud to declare our training a success. I’m up to 40 pounds in my pack and at last Sunday’s hike, we ran out of training time before I ran out of energy.

Dan's so much faster than I am he probably took my
picture from the bottom and beat me to the top!
Tess thought every hike day was the
"best day ever!"

I don’t know exactly what this trip will bring. I wonder if it will live up to my tremendous expectations. I wonder if I’m really physically ready or if some detail will fall out of place and mess things up. And I wonder what unexpected surprises await. All I can do at this point is go with confidence that I've done what I can and trust that all will turn out.

At the least, I can't wait to view the overwhelming glory of creation, especially when we stand at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and look up. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps!

I ask you pray for our trip. Pray that Dan leaves his copy of Death in the Grand Canyon at home. Pray for a sense of humor, strength and perseverance. And pray that God fills us with wonderful memories and renews the union He joined together twenty years ago.

If it's not even possible to take in the immensity of the Grand Canyon,
imagine how immense and awesome God is.

 Our mountains don't usually have spectacular scenery like the Grand Canyon, but we're all hiking through something. What mountain are you climbing right now?

'Til Death Do Us Part

In the beginning, God spoke creation and it became so—lightness and dark, heaven and earth, land and sea, plants and animals. Each day brought a new wonder that God looked upon and declared “good.”

On the sixth day, God created Man and placed him in the Garden of Eden. Even though Man had paradise at his disposal, it wasn’t enough. “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” (Genesis 2:18) Man searched among all the living creatures for an acceptable companion, but none (not even the golden retrievers) could fill the role in the way that God saw necessary. So, God created woman.

Then, He joined them together in marriage. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” It was only then that “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

Marriage is part of God’s plan for perfection. And while in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve’s union was perfect. But even before the honeymoon, the serpent enters the scene at the beginning of Genesis 3. And with one act of disobedience Adam and Eve’s marital bliss came to a screeching, finger-pointing halt.

Once sin entered the world, so did pride, envy, selfishness, impatience, infidelity, addiction, busyness and all the other threats to oneness. Marriage became hard work.

As it remains today.

While it’s actually not true that half of all marriages end in divorce, a large percentage of them do. We live in a time when marriage seems disposable. Expendable. Temporary. Unnecessary.

But, we hold onto hope for the perfect union God designed so very long ago. When we marry and pledge “I do,” we pray that we really will. And when we witness a happily married couple that’s stood the test of time, we celebrate, admire…and take notes!

Last weekend we celebrated my in-laws’ 50^th wedding anniversary. I always knew Dan’s parents had a wonderful marriage, but I gained an even deeper appreciation for them as a couple. They’ve weathered the expected ups and downs that life brings, yet after five decades of togetherness they not only still love each other very much, they like each other, too!

The kids and grandchildren gathered round an anniversary memory book and DVD created for the occasion and saw evidence of a beautiful life knit together. I wondered how they managed to do marriage so well.

Here’s what I see are their “secrets” to success: mutual respect, commitment, submission, unselfishness, loyalty, shared goals, love and lots of laughter. It’s a formula as old as marriage itself. Easily said, not easily achieved.

Oh, how I could use more of these qualities in my own marriage. Sure, I throw these words around, but Lord knows I don’t exhibit them often enough! Some of you commented on what a good wife I was while Dan was away last month. Heck, it’s easy to be a good wife from afar (it’s like being a good parent when you gaze at your angelic children as they sleep). The hard part comes in the face-to-face, day in and day out. I tumble off my pedestal real fast!

I look at my in-laws’ marriage and thank them for the example they’ve shown us and our children. I pray that Dan and I approach our golden years with as much grace and beauty.

I put my hope for success, not in quick fixes, shortcuts or secret ingredients, but in the fact that marriage isn’t a man-made notion. It’s not a fad or outdated concept. It’s a relationship so vital that it was the first one God created. And when He did, He declared it very good.

Together, man and woman complete the image of God.

Is anything more beautiful than that?

Cord of Three Strands

I’ve been working on a post and can’t seem to get an unbroken string of time to process my thoughts and finish writing it. Does that ever happen to you? In the meantime, ideas keep fighting to be let out onto paper.

To clear my mind, I decided to let out the miscellaneous thoughts…and put up a long overdue post. It’ll be a like soup, with whatever I have on hand tossed in and served up. Today’s a snow day here, so it seems apropos.

Celebrating 100
It’s only been a week, but I feel like I’ve been away from blogging for such a long time. And I miss it. Today is my 99th post, which means my next one is number 100. What should I do? I think the blogging tradition says I should write 100 things about myself. While I’ve enjoyed reading others’ lists, I wonder if I could even come up with 50 things before I put you all, and myself, to sleep. Help, I’m in a quandary. What do you suggest I write about?

The Little Car that Could
This Friday was the big Pinewood Derby. Thankfully my husband caught an earlier flight home and arrived just in time to take our son to the race. My son’s “little car that hopefully could,” actually did pretty well. I think they run like a thousand races, but he placed first a couple of times and second many times. He came home from the event sporting hands covered in graphite (used to make the cars go faster), wearing a smile and relaying a parcel full of stories about the night. He even earned some awards and qualified to go to the next round of the PWD. Not bad at all!

It’s Show Time
This weekend was also our daughter’s middle school play, Fiddler on the Roof. Her school takes their plays seriously and as expected, the costumes, sets, music, acting, dancing and singing were all fabulous! Over 200 kids performed in the show and the entire production went off without a hitch. I was blown away by the talent and dedication of the directors as well as the kids. My daughter did a great job, especially on the intermission scene she helped to write. With the intense week leading up to the play and the four performances, she is thrilled to return to a more normal schedule.

Reconnecting
This weekend Dan and I had the chance to spend Saturday and Sunday alone together. A rare treat indeed. We originally planned to go to a lovely upscale inn and eat dinner at their four-star restaurant, but because of our new commitment to remain debt-free we cancelled the reservations. Since my parents were already scheduled to take the kids, we stuck to our plans to do something, just the two of us. We just couldn’t decide what.

On Saturday, Dan and I must have tossed a dozen ideas back and forth. City? Country? Dinner? Movie? Outdoor adventure? Nothing captured our fancies. Trying to figure out what to do didn’t feel like a treat, it felt like a chore. Where we should have bubbled with excitement, we wallowed in ennui. Where was the enthusiasm and excitement to be with one another that marked our past?

Do you ever feel this way?

The early years of our marriage were easy for Dan and me. But, when children entered the picture we shifted our focus immediately from “us” to them. It took us a long time to reconnect as a couple once we became parents. Now we’re in the busy years where the calendar is king and I’ve become a multitasking queen. Add to this Dan’s work and travel schedule. Our relationship has more than its fair share of distractions. In reality we spend way more time planning how to divide and conquer than how to “love and cherish.”

One thing I’ve learned over almost twenty years of marriage is that the oneness God desires for us (and we want as well) takes communication and deliberate effort. Lately Dan and I have gotten lax. I know we have a good marriage, but neglect left us comfortably disconnected.

Maybe this is just the way it goes when you’re raising a family and planning for the future. But left unchecked, what does it lead to? Isolation? Looking for connection elsewhere? Estrangement? Divorce?

So, there we sat on Saturday with a choice to make. Thankfully, we dragged ourselves out of the comfort of the status quo and formed a plan. Our date gathered steam as our conversation allowed fresh air to blow out the accumulated staleness. In the end, we had a fabulous 24 hours—better than expected. We didn’t spend lots of money, travel far from home or do anything spectacular. We just focused on “us.”

More than anything I realized the spark that flamed in the early years of our relationship still burns. And I rediscovered my husband not just as a means to an end in the day-to-day, but as my true love.

And I learned yet again, that in life I have a very bad habit of putting a period where a comma should be.

“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12b)