April 29, 2011

Where is Your Anguish?

I’m a slow writer. Which makes me a less frequent writer. How I envy someone who can spend 20 minutes at the keyboard, write something coherent and get on with his or her day. I write for 20 minutes…30...an hour and more. Sometimes by the time I finish, I forget where my words were heading. Today I’m challenging myself to write this in one hour or less so I apologize in advance for lack of clarity or brevity.

I’ve been back from Haiti for almost two months—55 days to be exact. And still my heart aches to go back and do something. To do lots of somethings that will make a difference. Why did God connect my heart to Haiti when I’m here and they’re there, and I feel so helpless?

Yesterday David Wilkerson died. He was a pastor, one of the greats, with an incredible ministry that impacted the world. I didn’t know much about him until yesterday, but news of his passing came to me in several ways so I checked him out.

Decades ago he developed a heart for gang and drug addicts and went on the streets to minister to them. This led to him to start Teen Challenge, an evangelical Christian recovery program and a network of Christian social and evangelizing work centers. There's a Teen Challenge here in PA that our prison ministry helps get guys into. I've heard great things about how it really changes men's lives and gives them hope for a fresh start.

Last night, Bob, the head of the prison ministry sent us all a link to one of David Wilkerson’s messages, "A Call to Anguish." "You must listen!" He implored. And so I did. I urge you to spend ten minutes today and listen to this, too.

Listening to Pastor Wilkerson's passionate, emotional and fiery words I felt him grab my shoulders and shake me to pay attention. Conviction stirred deep in my center. What am in anguish for, for the Lord? Where do I look and my heart break? I have plenty of projects, but do I have passions?

His were life-changing words. When the message ended, I sat at my computer, unable to move on, immobilized by his words. Letting them find a place. Praying they’d light/re-ignite/guide a fire within me. I grabbed my journal and pen and wrote my response. Let my thoughts pour out.

Lord...Where is my anguish? Where does my heart break? Where is my passion?

In Haiti.

On a daily basis I don’t know what to do with that answer. Life creeps in and takes over. My day to day is filled with kids and carpools. Work and house responsibilities. Friends and family. It’s all good and I feel blessed. But my soul stirs for Haiti. How do I respond?

I have a few thoughts and ideas, but I keep hoping that God will reveal the "big thing." It would make it all much easier, wouldn't it? Or, perhaps in doing the little things, the big will into focus?

I love my life, but deep down I believe it's not all God wants of me. My day to day is so much more about me and what needs to get done than it is about Him. The American Dream is good, but is it really God's good and perfect plan for my life...or for yours. 

Where is your anguish? Where does your heart break for God's people? Where is your passion?
And what are you doing about it?


Nicole said...

Thank you for posting this today! I needed it. My anguish lies with children... children that have been mistreated and neglected. I have always felt called to their cause and worked in the early education field for close to ten years because of it. I'm trying to find a way to incorporate that back into my life, but like you say, the daily grind just takes up so much time... but is that His plan? This post was very inspiring and I'm going to look into some more options for making a difference. Thank you!

HisFireFly said...

Oh my, yes! This is the cry of my heart, what I have tried to share but did nto have the words.

We do not have time to keep wasting time.

May the fire burn brighter and hotter in every heart that hears...

Terri Tiffany said...

Kelli, I believe the Lord will show you soon how best to use this passion. I know he gives us these desires and if we are willing, He will open doors we never dreamed possible. Blessings to you today and I will be praying for direction for you:)

Cheryl Barker said...

Kelli, what a great post -- so thought-provoking. I'm not sure I can pinpoint my anguish or passion. Maybe my prayers are a good indicator -- or maybe I'm not passionate enough... Excellent food for thought.

By the way, I'm a slow writer, too. So totally understand that desire to be faster. Maybe one day we'll both get there? Here's hoping!

CLPRM said...

Just like David, we are a people after God's own heart. That is the most Beautiful part of this walk!!!
I love helping people find their passion, their call and to fill the need that is nessesary at the time. I Love Him Soooooooooo Much!!!

Denise said...

When I was a teen, Wilkerson's book, The Cross and the Switchblade, was the "must" read for me and my friends.

I lived a pretty sheltered middle class traditional Christian life. Cross and the Switchblade opened my eyes to a whole different world and changed my view on what Christianity was and how much God loved everyone--not just people like me.

doreen said...

What a sad passing. I have not visited for awhile so I thought I would drop in on you. Did I know that you live where I lived for years? I now live in Delaware County.
I do not even know what to say about Haiti. I have such mixed feelings. Those poor people.
Have a blessed weekend!


I am sad to hear of David Wilkerson's death. We all read his books when I was in college.


Sassy Granny ... said...

Such a tragic loss of such a mighty man of God! I will return to listen to his message. Thank you for posting it!

If ever there was a day to shun the lukewarm, today would be that day. I pray for passion in my own heart, and a godly direction in which to focus it.

Great post!


elaine @ peace for the journey said...

"On a daily basis I don’t know what to do with that answer. Life creeps in and takes over."

How do I "get" this one, sister?! Like you, I long for a place to invest my energies and heart hurts. I pray God's peace and direction as we both move forward with our faith.