Road Rage Parenting?...Or a Better Way?

I sat in my VW bug waiting for the light to change. Lost in my thoughts, I sang loudly (and badly) to the radio and enjoyed the beautiful day—until a car pulled up behind me so quickly I feared I might become a punch buggy sandwich! I glared in my rearview mirror to assess the car’s occupants. A man, I assume was the dad, drove while his teenage son sat next to him. Neither of them looked happy. At all.

The father stared out his window while anger burned in his eyes. The boy glared straight ahead, his jaw clenched and his face stony. Their non-verbals proclaimed the simmering tension. The scene drew me in and I continued to watch them in my rearview mirror (hoping my sunglasses hid my voyeurism).

Soon the dad starting yelling. He flailed his arms, gesturing wildly. Then he pounded his hands on the steering wheel (yes, while he was driving). At one point he titled his head back and roared! He wasn’t just mad. He was furious and on the verge of losing control—of himself and his car.

Throughout the entire rage-filled outburst, the teenage son maintained his fixed gaze and didn’t utter a single word. He may have looked detached or dismissive, but I have no doubt a storm of emotions churned under his fortified façade as caustic anger inflicted unseen wounds.

I have no idea what happened to cause such wrath. Maybe the son messed up with garden variety teenage stuff, or maybe he did something bad. Really bad.

I processed the scene as thoughts swirled in my head. As a mom I wanted to jump out and yell at the father, “Stop! Can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re the grownup here. There has to be a better way to deal with this situation!” I wanted to hug the boy and assure him, “No matter what you did, you don’t deserve this. It’s going to be OK.”

While I sat there in judgment on the dad, my heavenly Father nudged me with a painful realization: How many times have I lost my temper with my own children and lashed out in anger?

I, too, have behaved oh-so-badly as a parent and am sure if I watched a video playback of some of my outbursts I’d burn with shame. Yes, as a parent I try hard and often succeed, but too often I get frustrated and irritated. I want things my way. My flesh gets the best of me and I explode. What scars have I left behind as a lasting memory?

Ouch.

Being a parent is hard. It brings out the best in us. And the worst. We all fall short. We react out of impatience and anger. We crash and burn. None of us are perfect, but we cannot take lightly the devastation we cause our children with our tongues.

We must control our tempers and reign in our anger because our careless words have tremendous power to harm. “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (3:6)

Yet, how in the world can we navigate the depths of our weaknesses and captain the parenting ship through stormy seas?

We can't.

We need help. Divine help. Thankfully Jesus shows us the way—the only way. No matter how badly we’ve messed up, He doesn’t condemn or lay a guilt trip on us, He invites us to come to Him. And when we press into Jesus, a cool thing happens, the Holy Spirit begins to transform us into His likeness.

We have a choice and the apostle Paul shows us the consequences of both choices: following our sinful nature or following the Holy Spirit. “Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: …hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division…But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:16,19, 22-23 NLT)

Patience, gentleness and self-control? Oh, how we parents need more of these!

God’s Word promises that as we let the Holy Sprit guide our lives, we will (not might) bear more fruit. The more we let the Spirit guide us, the more fruit is produced. As we parent with with more gentleness, more self-control, more patience and most of all, more love we become the godly role models our children need. Of course we’ll still make mistakes, but each time we stumble Jesus offers forgiveness and a fresh start.

I will never know the real story of the angry father and son. But, as a parent I want the scene I witnessed to serve as a cautionary tale of a place I never want to be. And I want it to remind me that this parenting journey is too difficult and the stakes too high to travel it on my own.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

What God Wants Most

I sat in a small group discussion a while back and someone declared, “I think the Old Testament is a fairy tale, a myth like Greek or Roman literature.” While this cast a pall on the conversation, I think this proclamation struck at the heart of what we at times felt about the Old Testament, but didn’t want to confess.

How about you? Does the Old Testament seem like a fable? Do some of the stories (people living for 800 years, great fish, arks, tumbling walls, etc.) seem a bit far-fetched? Does it seem ancient and irrelevant? Do you wonder why the God of the Old Testament seems so angry and wrathful, little resembling the loving, forgiving God we know through Jesus?

I admit I do…or at least I did.

But an amazing thing has happened in the last year or so. I started to read the Old Testament and have discovered insights into God—and Jesus—that have been like unearthing buried treasure. It’s been fascinating.

Recently, our pastor challenged us to read through the first chapter of each book of the Bible, starting at Genesis and going all the way to Revelation. Now, my Bible is pretty well worn, but there were many books in the Bible I had never read. My knowledge of Old Testament stories, history and its important characters was extremely limited.

Well, I accepted the challenge and started reading. (And I know many of you did as well.) During this journey, I discovered a history that while ancient, is incredibly relevant. I met men and women who have so much to teach us today. I found missing pieces to the puzzle of God I’m trying to put together. And most of all I saw that the entire Old Testament, from the first lines in Genesis to the last in Malachi, is a prelude that points directly to Jesus.

I still have lots of questions, but God and His nature are much clearer now. For one thing I see that, God is a jealous god. Much of God’s anger in the Old Testament is a direct result of his children turning away from Him (which they did an awful lot!). Through Moses, God said, “They made me jealous by what is no god and angered me with their worthless idols.” (Deut. 32:17)

Throughout the Old Testament all the way through today, what God wants most from us is not our time, our money, our talents, our prayers or our good works. He wants our hearts. He wants us to forsake the idols and false gods around us and choose Him. Throughout Jesus’ ministry, he repeated again and again, “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” (Matthew 3:2)

Repentance means that we consciously turn from our sins (and idols and false gods) toward God. It is an act of our will.

God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Open God’s word. Hear His voice. Choose Him.