February 17, 2009

So My Soul

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?

Shouldn’t I be better at this by now?
Or at least see it coming?
But I’m not and I don’t.
Every time, I’m caught off guard
Astounded by my fragility
And the limits of my sufficiency.
My mind knows “it’s not about me,”
But the fleshy parts inside say otherwise.
How did I find myself here?
Again.

One at a time they add up
A rejection
A perceived slight
An expected response that doesn’t come
A glance that speaks more than it intends.
The accuser comes at night
Always at night.
Stealing what is good and true
Offering “evidence”
Delighting to lend a hand
Building a tower of condemnation
That blocks out the light.
All the while testifying
“You’ve been fooling yourself.
See, you’re a bunch of nothing!”

The dawning day brings confusion
And isolation.
The taunts of the enemy
Turning firm ground into shifting sand.
I reel in my weakness
Alone.
Until I remember
For whom my soul thirsts.
I recall who has brought me this far
And will bring me yet again.
I turn from the lies to the truth
To find refuge and my strong tower
Against the enemy.

Hear my cry
And listen to my prayers.
Forgive me for forgetting
The source of my strength
And the name of my deliverer.

For I will yet praise you,
My Savior and my God.

Inspired by Psalm 42

16 comments:

Peggy said...

Kelli....
You've been keeping a talent a hidden secret.
Well done and well said.
Is there anything else we need to know of your talents.
This was beautifully said, and as usual the right words at the right time.
Blessings and Love....Peggy

Sassy Granny ... said...

Oh those "fleshy parts"!

Beautifully captured. Remarkably real.

I've been caught off guard myself ... so very many times! That said, I'm grateful for a heart that remains tender enough to be grieved.

God bless you,
Kathleen

JerryLyn said...

Kelli, Thank you for sharing this deeply honest post. Your poetry, prose and all writing is so heartfelt and honest--catching the reader in a place they can relate to. Beautiful. Honest. Breathtaking. Thank you for sharing your faith and for thirsting after your Savior. Jerry

Runner Mom said...

Kelli! Wow! This is wonderful. It really touched my heart! GOd has really blessed you, swwet friend. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Hugs,
Susan

Sue J. said...

I hope this is received as a compliment--because that's how I intend it: I truly thought I was reading a passage from The Message when I read this. You have captured the essence of this psalm so well and provided a contemporary framework that makes the words leap directly into our hearts, minds, thoughts....We're right there!

I'm wondering your frame of mind, as to have such passion in your words either means that you are deep into Psalm 42 or deep into writing.

Amazing!

Julie Gillies said...

Wow, Kelli. This is so real and vivid...and I don't even like poetry! LOL

Beautiful, my friend. I'd submit this piece somewhere!

Blessings.

Lelia Chealey said...

THis is absolutely beautiful Kelli!! I'm sending a link to your blog to my girlfriend right now.

heartreflections said...

This is pure worship... from the depths of your soul. Thank you for sharing such a tender post.

BTW, have you ever read Joyce Meyer "Battlefield of the Mind"?

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Well now...

that's something.

Feeling much in the same vein my friend, for different reasons I'm sure, but knowing the vulnerable of a good shaking today. I often think that by living our lives so outloud, we are prone to more of the enemies attempts at sabatoge. Casual Christians, quiet Christians... are of very little threat to the enemy.

Stand strong, friend. You are free and you are loved.

peace~elaine

grey like snuffie said...

Wonderful.

Cheryl Barker said...

Kelli, sounds like the enemy uses some of the same tactics on both of us -- and probably millions of others as well. I'm so thankful for the Strong Tower we have to run to when the enemy comes calling. Maybe we should just take up residence there, huh?

I just posted "A Coach and a Daddy" over on my blog. It might hit the spot for you. Sometimes we just need our Daddy...

By the way, you did a beautiful job with this poem!

Debbie said...

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

Praying for you my friend.

Love, Deb :)

theresa162 said...

That is amazing. You express feelings so strongly. It felt as if you were writing my heart.

Laura said...

Oh, friend. This resonates. This is a beautiful Psalm. How many times have I cried out just so? You bless with this sharing. I walk with you.

Carol said...

Kelli,

That poem was wonderful. It's speaks such truth, and has such hope laced in it.

Hugs,
Carol

Justin said...

I. LOVE. THIS. BLOG ENTRY.