I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I lazy? Depressed? Unmotivated? Lacking inspiration?
Good heavens, someone just rang the doorbell. I’m going to hide until they go away. If it was you, I’m sorry. Whew, it was just the FedEx guy. He left a package and drove away.
I’m back, where was I? Oh yeah, procrastinating.
I’m not sure what’s wrong, but clearly I need to improve a bit in the time-management arena if I have any hope of cobbling together a day before the kids get home from school. What I need is a personal coach/mentor/nudger. Someone to gently direct and encourage. Someone like my children’s first grade teacher who found a way to praise a child’s efforts no matter how small. I can hear her telling me, “Good job, you got out of bed…maybe we can start the article you’ve wanted to write…or go to the grocery store.”
The other day my husband asked me where I wanted to be in ten years. Ten years? I don’t know where I want to be in ten days! I think this might be a problem (mine, not his). It brings to mind something my wise friend, Kathleen, shared on her blog the other day: Always begin with the end in mind. Hmm, maybe she and Dan are onto something.
Truly I want to live a life that honors God. And in some ways I do, but I believe there’s more. And I’m waiting for divine guidance to whatever that “more” may be. It seems God is kind of silent. Or maybe I’m kind of deaf?
I know it’s natural for me as a mom to reevaluate my life as my kids get older and need me less and less. And I know I tend to lose perspective real fast during these “transistional “ times. There’s much I could be doing (like writing/submitting/reorganizing/reconnecting) but I’m not.
The word momentum comes to mind. It’s a law of physics that it’s much easier to keep something going than it is to get it started. (Or something like that…I never actually took a physics class.) Anyway, I certainly lack momentum which is making it hard to get started in any direction. I seriously need some motivation.
For now I’ll get my momentum from the fact that I’m so hungry I can’t type anymore. Then I’ll get dressed. And maybe walk my dog. Who knows, if I start with the basics can self-actualization be far behind?
Do any of you have any idea what I’m talking about? Or is it just me?
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10)