August 9, 2010

Thirty-ish Days of Experiencing God: Days 7-18

I've lost track of individual entries and forgot to be "intentional" a couple days, but I am determined to finish this thirty-ish day journey to see where it takes me. I'll save my big-picture insights until the end. 

Lord, I've missed a few days, but I've been looking for you . . . and finding you. It’s been a tough couple weeks and you know the battles I’m fighting. Mostly with myself. I’ve put up defenses and erected walls. Yet even still you have broken through and reached my stubborn, angry, prideful heart.

I have experienced You through my reaching out to friends for wisdom and prayer. I see You in the way they’re standing in the gap for me.

I’ve experienced you on walks with my iPod. Especially when you pierced my heart with this song, and bombarded me with your Word and showed me the answer I’d been seeking. How painful yet how humbling and freeing is your truth.

I saw you at the shore last week. In the ocean and the waves. In the laughter shared with my family. In my morning quiet time on the beach. In the comfort felt from revisiting childhood memories.

Even last night at worship your message pierced my stony heart turning the mirror I’d been shining on others, toward myself. Allowing me to see my own shameful wretchedness. Wretchedness I know only your grace can redeem. How I need gallons of it right now.

You revealed yourself as I lay on the trampoline last night, enjoying the stillness and marveling at the stars. An awesome backdrop for my disrupted spirit, swirling thoughts and fresh insights.

Though I’ve wanted to run far away, you’ve shown me there is nowhere I can go where you will not be. And what better choice is out there? You are my best option. My only option. I recall the words of Psalm 139 and receive perspective and comfort and hope.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (v. 7-12, 23-24)

In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.


Peggy said...

I only have one word for your post today.....BRAVO !!!!!
May we all live these words today.
Blessings and Love....Peggy

JerryLyn said...


Thank you for your authenticity, your willingness to face issues of pride. It is such hard work to look in the mirror of our souls, and I've been there lately, too. But when we are willing to see His truth, through His eyes, everything changes, it seems. Thank you for your honesty and sharing joys as well as struggles. How blessed I feel both to feel the refreshment of your writing and to call you friend. Jer

Donna Teti said...


that was beautiful!

Donna Teti


Thanks for sharing the ways you have been seeing God, even while you are struggling. I pray God continues to give you eyes to see Him, to sense His presence.

Blessings on your day.


Terri Tiffany said...

Thanks for being so honest in this post as it speaks to me and makes me feel better and okay that maybe I wasn't where I wanted to be this week as well but trying!

Runner Mom said...

Kelli, this is just beautiful! I wish I had a trampoline in the backyard too!!! The mosquitos would still be out there!!

I have enjoyed these posts! I love how God speaks through you to us. The photo on the beach...breathtaking. Thank you!

Thanks also for your prayers for Kristi and Dwayne. She is still in the hospital--infection set in last night. It has to clear up before they can do another surgery. We're looking at Fri. before she can come home! Please cont. the prayers! Love you!